Hey Guys, Did You Remember Valentine’s Day?

12 02 2010

Sudden amnesia among the male population may be sweeping the nation this Sunday but your girl isn’t gonna fall for that one again fellas. It’s time to get up, take a shower and put on the most decent thing you own. And no I’m not talking about a shirt you’ve only worn twice this week. Buy, beg or borrow some nice slacks and a polo and get yourself to a phone…you’ve got a reservation to make!

I know what you’re thinking. Valentine’s Day is a corporate-driven, over-priced Hallmark holiday that was only invented to peak sales between New Years and Easter. Yadda, yadda, yadda. You may be right. But it doesn’t matter if you’re right. What matters is what your girl is expecting on this day. If you deliver, I promise you won’t be disappointed. Valentine’s Day can be enjoyable. Yeah I said it. And if you follow these five easy steps, you could be well on your way to becoming a love god.

The Idiot’s Guide to Valentine’s Day:

1) Monogamy. Valentine’s Day is to show that ONE special girl you care. Only send one valentine, one bouquet of flowers and go on one  date. They can and will find out about one another and they can and will unite to make your life a living hell.

2) Make a reservation. Valentine’s Day is not the day to be spontaneous when it comes to eating out. February 14th is the biggest day of the year for the restaurant industry and you simply won’t have a place to sit. Where do I make my reservation, you may ask? Someplace nice. And nice means no drive-thru window, florescent lighting or 70’s décor. If the name ends in “shack” or “barn” that is also a no-go. Low on cash? Playa Grill is easy on the eyes and the wallet. Get a three-course meal plus drinks for 50 bucks per couple. Woah, what a deal dude.

(pssst! Sit at tables 12-15 for optimal plasma screen viewing. You can look like you’re listening and catch that slam-dunk at the same time. Look at you, you little multi-tasker!)

3) Dinner isn’t all. Sorry guys, you’re not done yet. After dinner and drinks, have some sort of plan for what you’re going to do. If you’re out of cash for a movie and have two left feet when it comes to dancing, take a nice drive along the coast. If you want to really impress her you can make a playlist on your iPod of songs that remind you of her. Just remember to delete any playlists made for other girls from your past, present or future. Re-read point #1 if you have short-term memory loss.

4) Be a hopeless romantic. Write her a poem (tip: Haikus are only three lines), memorize some Shakespeare and/or make references to Jane Austen novels (Pride and Prejudice is always a winner). Chicks dig this stuff. If it’s a new relationship, she might actually believe you. If not, you’ll at least get a laugh out of her.

5) Finish Strong. If you end up at her place at the end of the evening, avoid flipping on the T.V. to watch another re-run of Seinfeld or Friends. You can do that any night. Make a fire, pop in a romantic movie or you can really surprise her and say, “Let’s talk. I just want to learn more about you.” (warning: this is an advanced level move and not for the faint of heart).

Take that cupid. Valentine’s Day: check! Now that wasn’t so bad was it?

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